November 25, 2024
This post is part of my 30in30 challenge, where I write 30 minutes every day for 30 working days. Due to my limited time for this challenge, the content will be only very lightly researched and edited. The idea is to just write. Find my voice, and find the courage to publish. To follow my curiosity wherever it may take me.
Don't make the right decision, make the decision right. — Dr. Ellen Langer
I have suffered from decision paralysis more times than I can count. The latest? Choosing my new kitchen tiles. Who knew picking tiles could be so stressful? I’m a little embarrassed to admit it took me over six months to decide.
Decision paralysis, also known as choice paralysis, is real—and it can be a truly stressful, anxiety-inducing experience. Since we make decisions daily, both big and small, decision paralysis can creep into many areas of our lives and make even simple choices feel overwhelming.
Let’s define what I mean by decision paralysis: it’s the inability to decide, either out of fear of making the wrong choice or being overwhelmed by too many options. In this article, I’ll focus on the first part of this definition: the fear of making the wrong choice.
Dr. Langer’s advice to make the decision right shifts the focus from agonizing over the correctness of a decision to embracing the ownership of it. It’s a mindset that acknowledges life’s inherent uncertainty while empowering us to take action and adapt.
I often get stuck in the "what if" cycle.
What if the other job had better growth opportunities? What if the other option was better? What if I'm going to regret this?
But as Dr. Langer points out, it is impossible to fully evaluate the road not taken. Decisions don’t exist in a vacuum—they are shaped by circumstances, timing, and personal growth. By the time I revisit an alternative, I am no longer the same person, and the conditions may have changed.
As Heraclitus said:
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river, and he’s not the same man.
Instead of agonizing over whether the decision made was right, make the decision right.
I find this mindset liberating because it releases me from the unrealistic expectation of predicting the future. I can’t ensure every decision is right, but I can ensure that the decisions I make work out in the long run—or as well as they can.
Changing my mindset hasn’t been easy and I still struggle with it daily. But even now, at the beginning of my journey, I find that embracing this perspective on decision making is empowering. It allows me to believe that the success of a decision lies more in how I handle it afterward than in the decision itself.
And that realization has been truly freeing.
Dr. Ellen Langer has written many books on the topic of mindfulness and positive psychology. I am reading her Mindful Body book at the moment and her book The Power of Mindful Learning is next on my list. I would also recommend watching the full interview between Ellen and Rich Roll, it's a very inspiring conversation.