November 6, 2024
You can't be who you can't see is the title of a talk I gave at various conferences and events around the world. It's by far the most popular talk I have given to date - I gave it 5 times so far.
I give a little bit of my backstory as a part of the talk about how I became a developer later in life, having realized that a career in the psychology field wasn't quite feasible while having 3 small children.
I learned how to code from online tutorials, reading books, and watching videos and courses. I managed to get where I am with the support of people on the internet and around me, but still, it was not easy. I need to feel a sense of belonging - a connection with a group or a community, but I did not get that from the tech community at first.
I felt very much out of place. I couldn't see anyone I could relate to. Most of the community were white, middle-aged men. Not only am I a woman, but I am also a Muslim woman, an immigrant. I am no longer in my 20s and I am a mother with a long list of work-unrelated responsibilities.
I often wondered if I would be better off doing something else where I didn't stick out like a sore thumb.
Nevertheless, she persisted.
Eventually, I made it. I've been a developer for many years; I founded Larabelles and have been asked to speak at conferences about my experience as a woman in tech. I carved my little space on the internet, and I'm doing fine.
But there was a price to pay.
I had to grow thick skin early on to fight off sexist remarks, emails, and messages.
I felt like I had to work twice as hard to prove that I belonged and had the right to be here.
My anxiety has gone significantly higher since I started working in tech.
Do I regret it? Interestingly, no. I met some amazing people and learned incredible things. I grew in confidence and became a better person. I would do it all over again if it came to it. If anything, I would be more vocal, open, and public about my experiences - I already stand out; I might as well really stand out.
You can't be who you can't see is about the importance of role models. Role models inspire us to do something with our lives, to try new things, and to follow the road less traveled. Without role models, we might not even consider something or question if it is possible. And the unfortunate reality is that there are plenty of successful people we could look up to, but not many of them are well-known. Only the chosen few make it to the books, talks, and documentaries. Many are forgotten, their accomplishments attributed to someone else, or lost altogether.
The unheard voices.
All of our voices deserve to be heard so that one day, maybe, someone will learn about what we accomplished and feel like they can do it too - and more.
I will keep giving that talk as long as people ask me to. I genuinely believe that if there is one thing I can do to improve the world of tech, it is to make everyone's voices heard.